Dinner And Stay At The Village Hotel In Maidstone
Published On Friday 28 Feb 2025 by Sticky Beak
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Well, here we are; another week, another one away from home with The Man for his actual day job. This time, we found ourselves down in Kent: Maidstone, to be exact. His Nibs does love him a bargain, as you all know from his numerous Groupon exploits, and so he ended up changing our original accommodation booking for one at the Village Hotel Club.
Brilliantly located just off the motorway, there’s plenty of parking onsite (you can opt to pay for this separately or chunk it on to your bill, although it is free from 5pm Friday-3pm Sunday), and we managed to grab a spot close to the entrance.
In complete contrast to the old-money charm of Dalmahoy Hotel and Country Club [our previous home-from-home], The Man and I found ourselves in the past-paced modernity of a bustling reception that had a Starbucks to one side and the restaurant/bar/events area to the other! Straight in front of us was a bank of automated check-in kiosks: think fast-food order points and you’re somewhere in the ball-park. Now, call me old fashioned, but I love the human touch; so I’m not gonna lie, my heart did sink a little in the face of all the technological automation (that’s His Nibs’ domain!). Thankfully, there were staff readily on-hand to assist where needed – thank you, Aneta. As it happens, we did need their input as the system wouldn’t accept our booking; turns out that Mr Robot doesn’t like hyphenated names – go figure! From then on in, the process was speedy and simple and we were soon making our way to the lift and up to our room.
In the main body of the hotel, the decor is bright Turquoise and Grey, with striped carpet; modern, sleek and streamlined is the vibe. Personally, I wasn’t feeling the Turquoise, but I did love the Paul Smith-inspired stripe in our shower and behind the headboard of the bed. A nice striped carpet also added a pop against the plain walls. All your usual mod-cons were in place: tea/coffee making facilities, iron and board, hanging space for clothes and extra hangers, and a fan.
Possibly my fave touch, though, was the Bergamot and Jasmine ESPA toiletries – these bad gals were going to get some hammer over the week! Our first job was to get the kettle stuck on and get tucking in to the Starbucks Treats that Kelly (Sales Manager at Village Hotel, Maidstone) had thoughtfully laid out as a welcome: huge Chocolate Coins and packs of the ‘Trio of Favourites’ Brownies and Blondies. Nom nom.
We have been liaising with Kelly and Paula prior to our stay, and through them I got a class booked down in the fitness suite – no mean feat since there are 4K+ members at this particular club!! A table in the restaurant [which is also where brekkie is served] was also booked for us on our arrival night; we love eating out but, after a long journey down and being in unfamiliar territory, we just wanted the easy option.
Before eating though, we went and had a session in the Jacuzzi, Steam Room and Sauna. A lovely lady greeted us and handed us towels and wristbands for the lockers, then gave us directions to the changing rooms. The Spa and Pool area is an absolutely beautiful space. Plenty of loungers were dotted around all sides, so we dumped our [provided] towels on one and went to wallow in the huge, child-free tub; there is another spa pool in the main pool itself where kids are allowed. After we’d ditched all our days’ cares, it was back into the changing rooms to get dressed. Kitted out with swimwear dryer, plenty of showers and hairdryers, my only gripe would be the lack of private changing cubicles; there were only two, the rest were communal. Now, trust me, no-one needs to see my nekkid heifer ass, so I spared everyone’s eyeballs and went into one of the toilets to change; ladies, you’re welcome.
As I’ve said before, this relaxing malarkey doesn’t half give you an appetite: we were chewing our knuckles when we arrived at the restaurant a couple of hours later. Seriously, I could’ve eaten a scabby dog, as they say! Luckily the dishes on offer are a damn sight tastier, and we ordered some Garbage Can Nachos, £15, (when I’ve just said that the descriptions are nicer than ‘scabby dog’!!) to share as a starter, then I chose the ‘Get Shredded’ bowl, £19.50,for my main and His Nibs had the BBQ Burger Stack, £18.45. Clearly the Pub and Grill is the place to be; as well as Hotel Guests, there were plenty of leisure club members nipping in for a post-workout refuel and some folks who’d gone for a drink whilst watching the footie on the big screens at the other end of the bar.
The Tortillas used in our Nacho feast were bloody lovely! Large, warm and super-crispy, they had a fabulous taste from the ground Corn they’re made from. Absolutely oodles of melted Cheese, Soured Cream, tangy Tomato Salsa and crunchy, sharp Jalapenos were mingled through the Tortilla chips and His Nibs and I were licking our fingers happily as we made our way through the dish. Two of the serving team were looking after us, and we were regularly checked on for drinks and that we were happy with our food; I loved that we were asked if we wanted our mains holding off for 5 minutes before it was called, to give us some breathing space. What a great customer service touch.
When our mains did arrive, they were sizeable beasties; I have to say that the prize for most impressive had to go to The Mans’ Burger – talk about huge! The pair of flavoursome Beef Patties were housed in a Sesame Brioche Bun and laden with a zingy BBQ sauce, loads of gooey melted Cheese that formed those bewitching strings when bitten into, sautéed Onions, sweet Tomato slices and cool Lettuce. It was one of those burgers that just had to be squished between his hands to have any hope of biting into it and, as His Nibs compressed it all, juices escaped from the bun and ran like rivers down his fingers. A cool, crunchy Coleslaw was in a separate pot, so I helped myself to that (not as if I didn’t have enough food on my plate, but, y’know me!) as he busied himself with chomping on his crisp Fries.
I was loving the plentiful shreds of Fajita-style Chicken that was the uppermost layer of my [fully heaped] bowl; succulent and tender, these protein-packed ribbons were pimped with spices that gave a gentle hum on the palate. A medley of Black- and Brown- Rice, roasted Corn and Salsa provided a hearty hit of carbohydrates (and fibre), with the Pea Shoots, Cucumber and Cherry Tomatoes helping me hit my 5-a-day target. Soured Cream and Avocado gave some fats and oils to the meal, so I think this is a pretty well balanced food offering; put it this way, I felt no guilt whatsoever as I munched my way right down to the last scrap of it!
Funnily enough, neither of us could manage a dessert...or coffee! This was a superb meal; not only for being a ‘hotel’ restaurant, but for being a meal that could sit out in the wider world, so to speak. Hot Wings given here; we’d definitely be happy eating this again.
The following morning (after a bit of a restless night due to being overly warm), His Nibs and I returned to the Pub and Grill area for breakfast. Ellen was the [breakfast] hostess with the mostest and showed us over to a vacant table and talked us through where everything was, seeing as we hadn’t been to the Village Hotel Club before; she proved to be a great source of info. later, too, when I was doing some work in the space. As I went off to grab us some fruit juice, The Man fetched a pot of tea for me and a cup of coffee for himself.
Clearly I need to get myself to SpecSavers; I completely missed the Yoghurt and Fruit section of the brekkie station!! Consequently, we started off with Croissants and Pain-au-Chocolats – not that His Nibs and his sweet tooth was grumbling. After polishing those beauts off, we headed to the hot counter and loaded our plates up with grilled Tomatoes, Sautéed Mushrooms, crispy Bacon slices and Scrambled Egg; well, you have to fuel yourself up for the day ahead, don’t you?
His Nibs went off to do ‘his thang’ and I got changed to pound the treadmill in the gym downstairs. Different staff were in the leisure reception but were just as friendly and helpful as the lady the day before. My PT, Karen (www.dominateyourfitness.co.uk), has taught me well, and I managed to knock out a half-decent session with the weights; put it this way, my legs were trembling when I’d finished! Karen offers 1-2-1 online coaching too (she has international clients, so Kent-based ones would be no problem!), and is a fully qualified nutritionist, so get in touch if you’re stuck in a rut, have hit a plateau, or are wanting to get serious about your training and fitness goals.
Tonight, we’re venturing out into the Kent wilds for dinner; I’ll keep you posted, but for now a ‘Spuddie’ is calling my name. What’s a Spuddie, I hear you say? It’s a fully-loaded, hunger-smashing Jacket Potato and, yes, I know, I’m not usually a spud kinda gal, but Ellen said that they only launched yesterday and I’m a new trend slut! Lisa and Mandy were my new ‘Spuddies Buddies’ i.e. they were serving these tasty minxes up hot-n-fresh...or cool-n-crisp if you prefer a cool filling. All the Spuddies come with Butter and Cheese as the base, and then you add your main event/filling, a dressing and a topping to complete the outfit.
I’m easily led astray, so needed no second bidding when Lisa and Mandy said the Chicken Tikka and Creamy Coleslaw were natural bedfellows. Good job I was hungry as the girls larruped plenty of yumminess onto my potato and the carton was soon over-flowing. Soft and floury inside (and piping hot), my spud had that delicious nuttiness to its gently crisp, char-baked skin that soothes your soul. I was in love with the Tikka; it wasn’t overly spicy but was laden with flavour, and the chunks of Chicken were plentiful and juicy. The Coleslaw had Kale in it, so was extra crunchy, and this was a great textural element to my lunch. I’d ramped up the indulgence factor by having Soured Cream as my dressing and then gone full on [gastro] ratchet with crispy Onions – don’t judge me!
Yet again, His Nibs waltzes in and steals my thunder, having got back in super-speedy time. There was no way he was letting me have the scoop on Village Hotel Club’s latest culinary offering; getting in on the action, off he trotted to the Spuddies counter, working his charm on Lisa and Mandy, and returning with his own Cheese, Chilli, Soured Cream and Crispy Onion treat. Mind you, said he, he did at least have the excuse that he’d been working hard; Oi, fella, I’ll have you know that I’d been working out in the gym. Spuddies have acquired two new fans in us; they’re bloomin’ tasty, let me tell you.
From the amount of meetings and catch-ups, I’d gathered that the Pub and Grill is a popular, informal space during the day; whilst I’d been beavering away at my keyboard, there’d been plenty of activity. No surprise, then, that several of the Village Hotel team saw me and His Maj and came over to say hi: Kelly, Paula, and Daniel all chatted with us, which was lovely; putting a face to a name is always nice. I felt a bit like the poor relation: The Man was donning his smart work gear, while I’d gone fully paid-up, card carrying member of the shlompy tramp club and was showcasing sliders, harem pants and tee-shirt – ground swallow me up! Thankfully, they pretended not to/didn’t notice; your tact was very much appreciated, I just want to say; and thank you for the recommendations of restaurants in the locale, we’re looking forward to checking them out this week.
Later in the week, I smashed out another session in the gym and then the day came to get myself into the studio for the class that Paula had booked me onto. I’m familiar with the Les Mills programmes, but I’ve never done a ‘Les Mills Tone’ class before, so I was feeling a bit like the new girl in class. A couple of ladies took me under their wing and showed me where the equipment was, and then it was showtime, as they say. The music was bangin’ and, combined with the instructor’s enthusiasm and humour, I was soon glowing like a nuclear peach i.e. sweating like a good ‘un!
I’ll miss the leisure and gym facilities at Village Hotel Club in Maidstone, they’ve kept me both relaxed and active (and His Nibs), and the staff have all been lovely. Our room has been kept neat and tidy and well stocked with beverages, so no complaints about the house-keeping team either. Both of us have said that we’d definitely stay in another Village Hotel venue if the Maidstone one has been anything to go by...and it goes without saying that the Maidstone site would be our first port-of-call if we found ourselves in the area again.
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